Monday, March 30, 2020 – Rachel Haley
This week marks yet another week of social distancing and self-quarantine for many of us across the country. In the transition to entirely virtual workspaces and distance learning, I have heard students, colleagues, and even peers candidly remake that they have embraced the current circumstances and are conducting “business as usual” from their homes. However, the phrase – business as usual – I have a true issue with. It irritates me. It frustrates me and mentally fatigues me when I hear it. I find the phrase to be toxic and dismissive of the reality others are in and the unique challenges and struggles each of us are encountering while navigating our new normal.
To be clear: This experience is far from normal. It is truly abnormal.
This is an unprecedented time in global existence and I believe it’s important for us all to acknowledge it and label it as such for ourselves and for each other’s sake. The unknowns that accompany this period of life and the foreseeable future are overwhelming. Being a second-year graduate student myself in my final semester and simultaneously job searching when unemployment has peaked an all-time high in our nation’s history is heavy. It weighs on me every morning when I open my laptop, check my emails, or look at my phone. Speaking from experience, rejection feels different in a pandemic.
I am constantly thinking of how to keep motivated and encouraged when the world doesn’t feel as promising as it once did. I’m devastated I will not be able to end this chapter of my life at TCU the way I had envisioned I would. I have been deprived the opportunity to properly say goodbye to my cohort, professors, supervisors, student leaders, and SDS family. I am trying to reconcile not knowing what my future holds or having the ability to control my life as much as I once did. I am distressed for my friends and family’s health that I am separated from in this process and trying to figure out how to support them from afar. I am anxious about all that I am missing out on and how I will gain back this time lost after the pandemic has passed.
I was definitely not prepared for this experience physically, emotionally, professionally, or academically. But then again, none of us were. I take solace in the fact that this is not entirely an isolated experience – it’s a unifying one. While we are all adapting to working and learning in isolation, I am seeing how much we are all striving to connect in novel, meaningful ways. We are being more vulnerable and present against all odds and that is what is inspiring me most. The weeks (and potentially months) that lie ahead will be a reflection of what we have all learned about one another – and ourselves – through adversity and I am truly excited to see our collective growth on the other side.
So, in this time of uncertainty, instead of conducting business as usual, I’m choosing to be abnormal and give myself permission to conduct business as best I can: by making time for myself, practicing empathy for others, and being present to the best of my abilities. I hope you are able to do the same.